The perils of smart technology

I logged on to my computer to write this week’s column, to be greeted once again with a message from Microsoft that I needed to finish setting up my computer.

I’ve been getting this sporadic message ever since an automatic software update a few weeks ago.  I thought it was already set up – inasmuch as I’ve been using it for seven years.  Then, my McAfee virus protection told me I had 347 unresolved software registry issues, which would cost me $39.95 to take care of.  I’m not currently aware of any such issues, so I skipped that.

One has to know which messages to ignore to avoid screwing up your computer.  Microsoft and Google both send constant reminders to change my “default” search engine settings.  It’s maddening, but one learns how to deal with these things, along with our “smart” devices.  Our dining room chandelier started turning on at 4:52 pm every day.  It has been hooked into a smart plug for three years, and this is a new behavior.  I asked Alexa if she knew anything but was greeted with silence.  The living room corner lamp (which also uses a smart plug) stopped obeying my commands two years ago.  I’ve tried everything, but I still have to turn it on and off manually.

I also use “smart” bulbs.  Lamps can be dimmed, turned on and off, and the color changed, all by asking Alexa or using the app on your phone.  I ordered more a few years back but didn’t realize that they were Bluetooth bulbs and not “Wi-Fi” enabled.  With Wi-Fi bulbs, you just screw them in, hit “add device” on your Alexa app, and you’re done.  The Bluetooth ones require installing another app, entering the router password, and then enabling Alexa.  I finally got them all working.  Whenever the Wi-Fi goes out at night (as it occasionally does), you can’t control the bulbs and have to use the lamp switch and then make your way to the stairs in the dark.  Smart plugs seem to have their own wi-fi and are unaffected by wi-fi outages, and you can control them with the app on your phone.

I used a smart plug to turn the Christmas tree on and off a few years ago.  Once Christmas was over, I realized I could use that extra plug to operate my mom’s bedroom lamp.  Then, she wouldn’t have to use her arthritic fingers to twist the light switch.  Not wanting to mess with something that was already working, I kept the name “Christmas tree” (which Mom actually liked).  She got a kick out of saying, “Alexa, turn on the Christmas tree,” to magically turn on her lamp.  A little bit of Christmas all year round.

Our TV/stereo system is a mixture of old and new and can be a bit complicated.  Our TV didn’t have Apple TV as an option, so I had to buy a Roku streaming stick.  At least we were ready to go when we later got an HBO Max subscription.  Our receiver is older than the TV, and I run the sound through an old equalizer.  My wife bought me some wireless earphones and had to buy an adapter, as the receiver wasn’t Bluetooth-enabled.  TVs are supposed to have “universal” remotes to operate multiple devices.  Mine wouldn’t recognize the receiver, so we have one remote for the sound, another for the TV – as well as one for the DV player, and one for the Roku.  But being the one who installed it all – I understand it.  But it can be a bit tricky for others.  Luckily, my wife rarely watches TV, as she can never remember how to use the thing.  Ah, the luxury of modern conveniences!